i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
