I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
