I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Your tits are I can't wait for
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
