I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How naked do you want me to be?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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