He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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