I cockslap morals
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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