I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
