the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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