why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
