Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
