Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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