You're my little dorito
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
