I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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