I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
