she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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