walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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