: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
