how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
