I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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