I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
