i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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