toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
