Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize