There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize