my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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