if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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