Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
