Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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