i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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