I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
