so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He passed out mid-signature
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize