Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the day after is always just damage control
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
