what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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