Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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