she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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