What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
