So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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