honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
