My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
