dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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