seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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