This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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