It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
