he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
