So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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