Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
