i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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