As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
