My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
40s are totally the cure
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
