The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
