please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
