i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
