And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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