is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
