shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
false alarm, still single
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
