I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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