So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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