I just pynch a tree in the face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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