We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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