my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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