My first STD was from a foam party
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
