is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
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