well I can't set my house on fire every night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
