Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
